I recently participated as a presenter at a one day seminar (called the ADD Grand Slam) for educators. One point I emphasized was that kids (and adults) with ADD are at a disadvantage because their neurobiology makes it harder for them to control and direct their attention. We ADD'ers tend to be prisoners of what we want or find interesting in that moment. (The parts of the brain that control attention depend on dopamine and people with ADD have lower levels of dopamine). People with normal dopamine levels can more easily decide where they want to put their attention. The ability to decide where to put your attention is central to self control.
It turns out that self control may be the key to a happy and successful life.
Back in the 1970's, Walter Mischel, the Stanford professor of psychology did some research with kids to test their self-control. Picture a 4-year-old sitting at a table alone in a room with one of the psychologists. The researcher explains to the child that he or she can eat the marshmallow in front of them if they want, but if they can wait until the researcher comes back in a few (15) minutes, the child can have an additional marshmallow to eat.
Thirty percent of the kids could wait the 15 minutes. Most of the kids couldn't make it past three minutes. A few kids ate the marshmallow before the researcher had a chance to complete the instructions.
These studies were set aside and Mischel went on to other things until he started to notice, by accident (the kids in the study went to school with his daughters) that the choices the kids made as they got older seemed to correlate to whether they were in the 30% group or not. Mischel went back to the project and it is now one of the most famous psychological studies ever.
It turned out that the kids that had the self control to wait 15 minutes for a second treat did better in grade school, had more friends in high school, scored higher on their SAT tests and then did better in college, grew up to be happier and eventually more successful than the kids who couldn't wait.
For the record, as Mischel mentions in a great New Yorker article, there were some kids who didn't have much self control at four and ate the marshmallow who developed their self control as they got older. They learned to wait.
One of the things that struck me in Mischel's comments was this: “'The kids who couldn’t delay...would think that the best way to resist the marshmallow is to stare right at it, to keep a close eye on the goal. But that’s a terrible idea.' According to Mischel, this view of will power also helps explain why the marshmallow task is such a powerfully predictive test. 'If you can deal with hot emotions, then you can study for the S.A.T. instead of watching television,' Mischel says. 'And you can save more money for retirement. It’s not just about marshmallows.' ”
It turns out the kids who could wait 30 minutes figured out ways to distract themselves, to direct their attention elsewhere. The mostly forgot about the marshmallow. What I see here is that self control isn't about being mindful of two things (what you both want now and want in the long term). It's about forgetting about the thing you want now, the self-forbidden fruit, and doing something else. At least as I work with this myself, I see I can't just think about something other than the "marshmallow." I have to get my brain engaged elsewhere.
The good news, as mentioned earlier, is that it is possible to increase our self control. In his book, Your Brain at Work, David Rock says it is easy to do that. All you need to do is take on some daily practices that aren't already habits. This can include such things as:
- flossing
- making your bed
- putting your breakfast dishes in the sink or dishwasher
Given many of my entrepreneurial clients like me shoot ourselves in the foot from time-to-time because of insufficient self control, I will be focusing on leveraging Rock's suggestions about the easy ways to increase self control.
By the way, you might wonder how "ADD'er" ever manages to get anywhere if all this is true. Aside from those who do develop sufficient self control, many of the adult ADD'ers have built careers around what they enjoy and find interesting. That's one reason why I challenge my ADD clients that their primary job is to figure out how to want to do what they need to do.
Finally, local TV station WCCO did a bit on their evening news a couple of years ago about this. You can find that five-minute clip on You Tube.
Enjoy...just not yet.
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Resources:
Your Brain at Work by David Rock
No: Why Kids -- of All Ages -- Need to Hear it and Why Parents Can say it by David Walsh
Don't Gobble the Marshmallow...Ever!: The Secret to Sweet Success in Times of Change by Joachim de Posada